SORRY, BUT THIS POST IS GOING TO BE A BIT HEAVY?

SORRY, BUT THIS POST IS GOING TO BE A BIT HEAVY?

I WROTE A LETTER.  BUT... I don't think I will ever send it.
It was just so I could get so much ANGER out of my system.  Purge the BAD FEELINGS from inside myself.

My Psychologist told me it was a good way to 'VENT' without doing any damage.

She was right.  I do feel much better.  
Seeing it all down on paper made me feel like I could let it go... and start enjoying my life and family again.

And I mean ENJOYING all the family that choose to be in my life.  I LOVE all of them so, so much.

No more dwelling on the past.  No more letting bad feelings nibble away at my soul.

I am whole again.  I am BLOODY HAPPY again.

AND today is Day 4!!!   Three FULL days already gone and I'm feeling damn fantastic that my motivation and resolve is as strong as it was a few days ago!

Stew suggested we go out for an ice cream yesterday afternoon... and I thought about it... and almost said YES right off the bat.  Then I paused, and decided I needed more time for my new resolve to SETTLE IN before allowing a treat to slip in.

I DO intend to allow myself ONE treat a week... it might be an ice cream, or a kebab or butter chicken.  But ONLY ONE a week.  Not even one whole day, just ONE treat.

I can't begin to describe how bloody euphoric I am feeling.  If I was fitter I would be dancing around my house, that's how good I feel.

DANCING will happen.  Just not right now!  *smiles*


CHRISTY:  re your question last night... I have a goal in mind.  But it is not necessarily based on a NUMBER.  It's more about how I feel about myself.  Sure most 'dieters' have a goal weight in mind when they set out on a weight loss journey... but I have done that over and over again, and it really  has not worked for me.
Setting specific goals is not how I am looking at this now.

I just want to be happy with myself.  Happy with my choices. Happier and healthier.
And also, if I'm being completely honest, I want to fit some of my 'slimmer' clothes again!
I hate mirrors... and being a GIRL, that is a real problem!
Show me anyone who doesn't want to look in the mirror and think 'Yep, I look OK'.

I DON'T see 'OK' in the mirror.

As my adored Nana Brown used to say to me before she passed away ... "Darling, at least you have a pretty face".   

That didn't really do much for my self confidence.

Sometimes it is just those little comments peppered throughout your life that affect you MORE than anything else eh?

I have been the same weight (within a couple of Kilos) for about a year now.  I will weigh myself on DAY 30, 60, 90, etc.  THAT IS ALL.  No manic jumping on the bloody scales every day, up to 6 times a day.  There will be NO insane mood swings when I don't see a loss each day.  That is NOT going to happen.  NO BLOODY WAY.  No pressure.  No unhappiness.  I will take whatever I lose each weigh in and be happy.

 ABOVE:  Stew and I around 2008.  This is how I'd like to see BOTH of us looking again.  Not too slim, not too heavy.  JUST RIGHT.

Right.. I'm off to do some happy stuff... make lunches, do housework, go buy some herbs, tidy up the garage... cos everything we got out of storage is just sitting there waiting to be sorted out.... bla bla bla.

ONWARD...

2 PM... OMG where has the time gone?  

I went and picked up Lacy and Keera, so Lacy could give me and Bex a hand with the garage. 
I'm happy to say we have sorted out 75% of it already... it's shaping up well.  

I am really sad that I have not found my King Size Quilt, the ONE thing I really wanted to work on and finish this year.  I am positive it is still in the Storage Box, right at the front where the guys didn't unload.  
So, I will just have to work on all the other UFO's, and churn out a few baby quilts, cot sheets etc.  I can do heaps now that I've got my fabric back.

I was talking to MYSELF yesterday as I drooled over my fabric... and Bex laughed and told the guys I was talking sweet nothings to my fabric! AS IF I WOULD DO THAT!  Ummmm... well maybe I was coo'ing a little?  lol

Relaxing.  Stinkin' hot now... I feel so sorry for Brylee and Griffin having to walk home in this heat.
Salad sandwich for lunch, Bex made it.  Afternoon tea will be a One Square Meal Snack.
Dinner: Roast Pork and veges.  I will RESIST the crackling.  

I just heard from the Building Company contracted to fix our flooring etc.  He is working on co-ordinating his builders with the sub-contractor who will do the flooring.  So hopefully in a couple of days we will FINALLY know when it will all happen?

I told him my concerns about how do we live in the house while the work is being done and he assures me we don't have to 'leave home' while it's being done.  I am so, so happy about that.

End of Day:  another fantastically happy day... still totally in control of my food choices.  Feels damn good.
nite nite.